Farmers lose wives in reunion special of the hit reality show

And like a cattle producer trying to figure out if a cow is in calf without having to preg test her, we will be circling with beady eyes to see if we can pick which farmers have kept their ladies.

I just want to see if Bert has found himself an Ernie.

But it's going to take a full hour and a half to find out. Holy moly.

I just know Sam Farmytage will ask everyone if they are getting married quicker than grandma after a first date.

Alright, let's jump past the slow-mos of farmers staring and walking.

Also Joe finding a feather. Gripping stuff.

The guys are dropped a couple of ks from the winery in the Hunter and made to walk and smile the whole way.

They gather on the verandah and yell things at each other like 'here he is!' and 'missed you Deano'.

But they clearly found the whole experience very comfortable.

"I don't think I spoke for a few days afterwards," Todd says.

"Where's big Bert-o?" Dean asked.

But he's there - and gives an mysterious answer about why he booted everyone off his farm as they head inside.

Let's see where everyone is up to and try to rehash a very lingering 18 episodes.

Joe plops on the couch and Sam asks how many times he took his shirt off.

Eventually she also asks about the relationship with Sarah.

"We didn't get off to a great start there. It was quite testing for both of us," he says.

The music gets horror movie-ish.

He said he didn't want to talk to anyone after the cameras stopped rolling.

Great - so all the boys have PTSD from the whole experience.

"We were butting heads a bit," he said. "It was like a sugar crash."

The music gets super spooky.

"I'm a bit scared to ask this - is she here?" Sam asks.

The camera jumps from one terrified farmer face to another.

Actually, none of them look that worried. Like a long harvest, they just want this nightmare to end.

"Yeah - Sarah is here today."

She comes down the stairs to ominous music. Sam tells her Joe has been sooking about her.

"Neither of us was prepared for how we would feel. We both felt drained," Sarah said.

They said they had to get to know each other again, and Joe got on Sarah's nerves.

"We're both really independent and like our own space and our own lives," Sarah said.

They took some time apart. Dramatic music.

MASSIVE PAUSE.

"Yes we are still together!' Joe declares.

Sarah says she plans to move to the farm at some point and everyone has a big group hug.

Dustin's time on the couch starts with Sam bagging out Condo (yet again).

Dustin and Sophie have been seeing each other a lot - apparently his goats have to fend for themselves.

Dustin moved out of home and into an absolute pile of crap on the farm.

We get to see the 'house' - the carpet is orange and brown, the roof bows inwards and his clothes are just piled above his bed.

It's a palace.

Because of the Crap Castle, Sophie has buggered off.

I would, too.

But she's there - probably just glad to be a building with a solid floor.

"Are you even together?" Sam demands.

Yep - they are together. And discussing how many kids they will contaminate with legionnaire's disease in their new house.

Farmer Dean is chuffed Teegan moved to the farm straight away. They show footage of them on the farm - she says she doesn't have a job and is still scared of cows.

Teegan avoids third degree burns coming down the stairs and sits down next to Dean. She seems a bit out of sorts. Bit like a RFS volunteer who didn't get to polish the truck.

"What happened next?" Sam asks.

Music gets all scary again.

"We decided to go our separate ways," Dean said.

Turns out, Teegan decided to end it. She didn't like being away from family. Plus maybe that cranky cow came back.

But Dean is upbeat.

"I'll get back on the horse and get going," he said. "We are still great friends."

Well, that was poop.

As they go to group, Todd says 'I love you man," to Dean.

Didn't you guys just meet?

Tom is still smitten with Sarah.

Tom tells Sam Sarah still lives in WA at the moment, but he has set up a desk for Sarah at his house, so she can work.

Sarah has been skulking around upstairs for the past seven hours waiting for their turn on the couch.

Maybe that's why there is always an epic pause when Sam asks if the girl is here - a producer needs to go and check if the lady is still present or has got fed up and left.

Sarah says it has been slow and steady, and she will move when the time is right.

They rehash that Bert culled the three ladies.

He said he was struggling with the work and filming, especially when it was time to meet families.

He said he didn't feel like he could meet their families when he wasn't able to commit.

Sam asks if he has been in contact with any of them - apparently he ran into Caitlin in a tackle shop.

Is this a code?

He has no regrets and is glad he met the boys.

At the worst timing ever, in the ad break, they put out the call for farmers for next season.

Sam's first job as Todd hits the couch is to remind him once again that his mates hate Daisy.

Turns out, Todd and Daisy (or Taisy as they will now be known) had been travelling back and forth, but Daisy decided to make the move to the farm.

She hates Todd leaving the toilet seat up.

Daisy heads down the stairs after being restored with intravenous fluids by the producers after being locked for 12 hours in a room upstairs.

They give each other a big pash.

Daisy works at the local gym/hairdresser/servo in Baan Baa.

Todd's all loved up. I'm not surprised he's rushed in - he just declared his love for a dude he met on the verandah earlier.

Daisy drops the bomb about the place where 'they're going to get married'.

Sam freaks out, but turns out they've talked about it and are planning it in the future.

He said he is going to get his knee dirty.

But, your friends said no, Todd.

And so that's it - the four loved up couple dance in the darkness, while those who are single are shunted outside in the cold. By the time the show aired, however, inside word is that one or two of these have since split.

Here's hoping they find love soon. And that Joe finds his shirt.