Irish Wish.
PG. 93 minutes.
One star.
Before Lindsay Lohan's fans start calling for my head, let me explain the one-star rating and star ratings in general.
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Star ratings tend to be given undue importance by readers. They are a very crude instrument when reviewing movies and reading the whole review will provide much more information and nuance. Please keep reading.
Lohan has had plenty of ups and downs, both personally and professionally, but she's likeable and talented and one of the best things about Irish Wish, screening on Netflix.
She plays Maddie Kelly, a literary editor who's secretly in love with Irish author Paul Kennedy (Alexander Vlahos). They've been working together for months on his latest book, Two Irish Hearts, and the launch is, somewhat improbably, like a Hollywood movie premiere.
Maddie has told her mother Rosemary (Jane Seymour) about her feelings but not her friends Emma (Elizabeth Tan) and Heather (Ayesha Curry).
When she finally summons up the courage to tell Paul how she feels, he speaks first, asking her to help write his next book. It's not the kind of relationship she'd hoped for and, deflated, she doesn't pursue the matter.
The essential problem with this film is that, even for a romantic comedy, it's exceedingly rote and predictable.
At the book launch, Paul meets Emma and the two are instantly smitten. Maddie can only watch with chagrin and keep her peace.
Three months later Emma and Paul are getting married - quite a whirlwind courtship, that - and Maddie and Heather are to be bridesmaids at the wedding, to be held at the Kennedy house in Ireland.
Did I say house? It's no mere brick veneer bungalow in a small town, nor is it some CGI creation. It's played by Killruddery House in County Wicklow, an impressive 17th-century mansion, quite a location.
As if she weren't miserable enough, Maddie has to deal with lost luggage - she has a tiff with an English wildlife photographer, James Thomas (Ed Speleers) over a bag that turns out to be his.
They end up on the same bus where the banter continues and when she gets off to go to the Kennedy house, that seems to be that.
Yeah, right.
Wandering around later, the forlorn Maddie comes across a wishing chair and a mysterious woman (Dawn Bradfield) appears as she wishes she, not Emma, was the bride.
And then she wakes up as the bride-to-be. Well, you know what they say about being careful what you wish for.
If you honestly have no idea where the story is headed from here, you must never have seen a rom-com in your life.
The essential problem with this film is that, even for a romantic comedy, it's exceedingly rote and predictable. There's little in the way of wit or sparkle in Kirsten Hansen's script and even the supernatural element - the mystery woman is Saint Brigid of Ireland, no less - adds nothing new.
Lohan and the other actors are fine given what they have to work with; Lohan and Speleers play well off each other and Vlahos does a good job revealing Paul's unappealing traits under the surface charm. Alexander is wasted in a silly role. Given how much there is to watch on Netflix alone, unless you're an unconditional fan of the genre, Lohan and/or ravishing shots of Ireland, this is far from a must-see.